How To Stop Mom Bashing Once And For All

Being responsible for a whole HUMAN.BEING is hard enough without everybody and their mama (see what I did there?) questioning your parenting decisions. Find out how we can finally stop the mom bashing once and for all.

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It’s easy to judge another mama for how she chooses to parent her child, but to end mom-bashing once and for all, it starts with US– the mom’s!

It’s so easy to judge another mama for how she chooses to parent her child, but honestly, if the child’s basic needs have been met, and they aren’t in any imminent danger, WHY must we worry ourselves with what other mamas choose to do?

It’s been my experience that some of the top parenting “experts”:

DON’T have any kids.

Have raised kids that are now adults.

or

Have kids and believe the way that they parent their child is LAW.

While parenting will look different for EVERYONE, it seems that the moms are always the ones getting flack for doing what they gotta do!

Before I became a Stay-At-Home Mom, I worked full-time at a foster care agency, and let me just say, the LAST thing child services was concerned with was putting your child on a sleep schedule.

I mean, I’m sure no social worker is thinking  “Aw man, if only they had limited screen time to two hours a day…”

Being responsible for a whole HUMAN.BEING is hard enough without everybody and their mama (see what I did there?) questioning your parenting decisions.

I know what you’re thinking…

“Oh lighten up, I’m sure they mean well…”

I hate to say it, because the concept of “meaning well” is wonderful in theory, however, it’s undeniably abused.

“Meaning-well” has resulted in wayyy to many uncomfortable situations for the person on the receiving end of the gesture.

Just because someone “means well” doesn’t mean that the recipient will interpret it that way.

The truth is, the people that constantly critique your parenting style, under the guise of “meaning-well”, simply want to change how you parent because it would make THEM feel better.

Point.Blank.PERIOD

Unfortunately, someone will always have an opinion about how we raise our children, the question is…how do we respond?

STAND YOUR GROUND

Remember, you made your parenting decisions for a good reason.

For example, my son didn’t latch, so breastfeeding was pretty impossible for me.

However, I was determined for my little chunk to have mamas milk.

As a result, I became an exclusively pumping mama.

I got a TON of flack (from “well-meaning” people) about how it would be easier to buy him formula and blah blah blah.

While I have absolutely nothing against mamas who formula feed, I wanted MY son to have MY breast milk.

If I have to pump around the clock day in and day-out, so be it!

GIVE AN EXPLANATION

I’ll preface this by saying that this is my LEAST favorite strategy but nevertheless, it has proven to be effective.

Sometimes people make comments and ask questions about your style of parenting simply because they don’t understand it.

For example, they may have no idea what “Attachment Parenting” is.

OR they may only be familiar with babies sleeping in cribs and not co-sleeping with you.

Many times these people simply need an explanation and BOOM!

They have developed a newfound respect for your decision and will probably only question it when they seek a genuine answer.

FORGET WHAT THEY THINK

Yup. Sometimes you just have to let it roll off your back.

Although I truly don’t mind explaining why I do what I do, I find it easier to not concern myself with what people have to say.

For you, this may translate into not answering the phone every time these particular people call (trust me- people catch the hint whether they’d like to admit it or not).

OR it may mean spending less time with these “well-meaning” individuals and finding a group of like-minded mamas to connect with.

Whatever it looks like for you, remember, YOU are the mom.

Not your mom/aunt/grandma/mother-in-law/etc.

At the end of the day,

Some mamas breastfeed.

Some mamas bottle-feed.

Some mamas co-sleep.

Some mamas do the cry-it-out method.

Some mamas work full-time.

Some mamas stay at home full-time.

But all these mamas are mamas in their own right and will parent in their own way.

In order to end the mom-bashing once and for all,it starts with US- the mamas!

So take pride in how you choose to parent and no matter what strategy you use to deal with the inevitable, “well-meaning” comments, remember, for every mama’s parenting style you disagree with, there are probably five mamas that disagree with yours.

Until Next Time,

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36 Comments

  1. The Cinnamon Mom says:

    I just had a conversations with one of my close mommy friends about this. I think it’s important to a) be confident in the decisions you make for your kids and your family and b) learn to ignore the criticism or judgement. You know your circumstances better than anyone else and you’re the perfect mom for your child!

  2. It’s so frustrating…I especially hate the people that are just trying to get you to change your mind about a parenting decision you made as though you made it on a whim. Deciding to formula feed my son after latch and supply issues was probably one of the hardest parenting decisions I’ve ever made, even three kids later. So when people would say, why don’t you just (fill in the blank), it would KILL me. I too found ways to deal with it but wouldn’t it be lovely if people didn’t force us to? Haha!

    1. Yessssss!!! The unsolicited advice is THE WORST! I was only able to pump for about 8 months and then I had to formula feed. I wish I could’ve kept pumping but knowing he was getting what he needed was all that mattered.

  3. Yes!! Every family is different. My friend puts her kids to bed at 6:30, mine don’t wind down until 8:30. We do what works for our families!

  4. bugbeeandme says:

    I agree the internet has allowed mom
    bullying to manifest. At the end of the day, I’ve realized everyone’s parenting style is different and what works for one person may not work for another. There is no manual for being a mom. For that reason, I’ve learned not to take things personal when it comes to people giving “advice especially when it’s not asked for.

  5. You are so right! There is no “one size fits all parenting” because every child is so unique. I am also a teacher and I can tell you that I have adjust my teaching for every kid. So, instead of judging, we can actually learn from each other! Other moms are our best resource!

  6. themommyonthemove says:

    Love this post and it’s so true! If only this band of mama’s could live in the same city and support each other! What an amazing community it would be!

  7. Thank God someone finally wrote this! Haha it’s what we are all thinking. I love hearing advice from people who don’t even have kids…like what in the world – you don’t even KNOW. Haha

  8. theterrificfive says:

    Moms should really stick together instead of criticizing each other all the time. Like you said, every mom is different, and with how difficult motherhood is, all moms should support each other instead of looking for things to put down!

  9. Anyone ever use something like baby center’s birth clubs? I love their attitude while we are all pregnant, so much support and encouragement, but it feels like that all goes out the window right after birth. :/

    1. I did!!! And I totally agree! It’s all about encouragement during pregnancy but once you give birth, it’s like people immediately find something wrong with how you choose to care for your child. It’s crazy! Motherhood is already so tough without all the negativity. We should all just unite and support each other already! Haha

  10. relaxedmomma1 says:

    This is such an important post. The most important thing is that the children are loved and cared for. Everything else is personal opinion.

  11. I love this article! When I was visiting my mom last weekend, she actually brought this post up, telling me all about how much she loved it! You really did a great job on this one, you’re the best <3

  12. Totally agree, i was a mom that got a mean well comments in public while i was ajusting my shirt so my postpartum belly bamd wouldnt ride up. The lady was like i meam well but nobody wants to see that disgusting stomach of yours. I was divested, thankfully there was a mom right next to me who had asked about baby and jumped down her throat before I. I was crying. I dont say any comment like this ever.

    1. Omgosh!! Thank You for sharing this!! I’m so so sorry someone was so rude and ugly to you! People can be so insensitive and judgmental and I really don’t understand it! So glad someone put her in her place!

  13. So many people had opinions about when I didn’t breast feed my daughter. I did at the hospital and tried for at least two months but wasn’t making enough milk. When I put her on formula everyone had an opinion on how I should feed my child. I didn’t put up with it. I shut them down immediately.

  14. This was a great post and I couldn’t agree more! No two parenting styles will be the same and some people are often quick to judge without knowing the back story. Kudos to you for doing what you had to do to nourish your baby and thanks for sharing!

  15. Great article! Such an important read for mamas, there really is no excuse for bashing another mama who is only doing her very best.

  16. These days people are too judgemental. I just don’t judge other mamas even if their parenting style is different than mine.

  17. Love this post. Well written and describes my feelings perfectly. Sometimes I just want to tell these judgmental people what’s what but letting it go or giving a smile explanation is probably the best option.

    1. YESS! I know exactly how you feel! Sometimes I just want to go off! But, for the sake of relationships I hold my peace …sometimes haha Thanks for reading!

  18. This is the post I needed. I am SO glad to know I’m not alone in my style of parenting. Being a working mom is so freaking hard, and sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to make it. I totally agree, as long as your child is happy, healthy and safe…it’s all good. Love this! ❤️ Pinning for sure 👍🏻

    1. Absolutely!! I think that if we focus more on our children and keeping them safe, healthy, and thriving – there would be little to no room to criticize the next mom for how she decides to parent her child. So glad you could relate to this post! Thanks for reading!

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